As the title says, I just feel like posting something. Anything at all. I guess I'll just ramble on about nothing in particular until I run out of steam. Hmm.. Seems like a lot of focus in the media today on homicides in the Maritimes ... We Maritimers usually pass off shootings as 'hunting accidents' so to hear that someone was murdered in the middle of the day on a well trafficked area of the city really disturbs me. I personally realize that unless you are looking for trouble you will most likely not be a victim of random violence around here. However - A car repair shop was the victim of random violence in a daytime shooting near Gottingen Street. I don't know. It's all related to drug activity. It's retarded to watch people fight over a piece of fucking crack on the carpet.
Seriously. Lets say there's two individuals on their own after smoking two hundred bucks worth of crack and are starting to crash. They're sketched out and most likely hallucinating. Crack can induce *amphetamine psychosis; a state of mind where you hallucinate creepy things and get insanely paranoid. A lot of people think there are people inside of the walls or in empty rooms. It's also common to think bugs are crawling under their skin and they are responsible for digging them out. People have been known to destroy their faces trying to dig the "bugs" out. One gentleman I watched in an addiction video actually dug a hole in his face the size of a golf ball to dislodge a bug under his skin. Even though he claimed that his rational mind knew all along the bug wasn't there, his irrational mind took over and he became obsessed with digging out this fabricated bug.A friend of mine gets convinced of two things: 1) That things are hot or melting and need to be put under cool water or not touched in order to avoid them catching on fire and 2) That there are bugs all over her apartment, especially in her furniture and bed sheets, dirty laundry. I'll never figure out how she figures not touching something will prevent it from catching on fire. She always thinks her glasses are melting and that if I don't let them cool off on their own and not touch them, they will catch on fire. Man it's crazy! She must really believe in spontaneous combustion! Hahaha oh well. What was my point here... ?
Oh yes. Two people fighting over a piece of crack on the floor. Hahah, well there's nothing quite like it! They'll almost fight to the death if it turns out to be a real piece and not just dirt! I think part of them enjoys scraping and pinching for little bits of crack to smoke. It's the obsessive nature of a crack addict that fuels it. I speak only from experience when it comes to this stuff. Personally, I've never smoked enough of it for a long enough period of time to get worried about bugs and other hallucinations. Some how though, I know that it's in there and if I were to push it, I would be right there on the floor with our two aforementioned friends, combing through a dirty shag carpet, looking desperately for crack crumbs and eventually going out to scam money in order to get my next fix.
I understand the reason people are shooting each other for drugs. This of course doesn't mean I condone it or support it. I just understand it. It breaks my heart, too. I know what it's like to feel desperate and alone, sick and pathetic. The victims of drug violence are often young and often addicts. They owe money or engage in an argument with someone who's packin' and bam, shot down in daylight!
There is one thing that I know for certain when it comes to all of this. Crack is not worth raising your weapon. Neither is money. Peace.
Reference:
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/289973-overview
Friday 18 May 2012
Saturday 12 May 2012
Sunny days
I am soooo lonely. Sigh.
Sad, too. Pretty sure I failed miserably at something, but I don' t know what...
If ever there were a waste of space, it is I on this sunny day.
Durrrr hmm sigh blah pffft...
Sad, too. Pretty sure I failed miserably at something, but I don' t know what...
If ever there were a waste of space, it is I on this sunny day.
Durrrr hmm sigh blah pffft...
Friday 11 May 2012
For The Workin' Girl
This entry is dedicated to every woman who has ever been hurt while working or walking the streets. It's for every prostitute who's been raped, every young girl who's been molested, every woman who has been frowned upon for her sexuality and mostly, for every woman who fought for my rights and gave me the gift of freedom. A friend of mine said she feels like she was born into a world where there's nothing left to fight for. I guess in a lot of ways, she's right. But really, when the aforementioned is happening right next door frequently and boldly, it seems to me as though there is still a big war to be won. The war against society and the narrow minded views it represents.
Tanya Brooks is the reason I was inspired to get writing ...It's been three years since police found her battered body shoved into a trench near St. Patrick's-Alexandra School. I've been to the scene of the crime. The trench is just a hole into the ground around a basement window. It was dug out around the window, filled with cement and guarded with iron railing. She was probably dead before she was thrown there. It was raining, and being early in May, still cold outside. So, picture it.
http://www.halifax.ca/police/PressReleases/2012/05May/PoliceContinuetoInvestigateMurderofTanyaBrooks.html
How many other unsolved murders are there in Halifax, exactly, you may ask?
http://www.halifax.ca/police/UnsolvedMurders/MajorUnsolvedCrimes.html
59. 59 unsolved homicides in Halifax starting in December, 1955. In 2011, there was a shocking total of six unsolved (most likely drug related) homicides. 3 of them were women. Her sister was also stabbed at the same time and survived, but for some reason no one has been arrested for the crime and it remains unsolved. This just doesn't hash up in my mind. The paranoid side of me says there's something bigger happening here that I'm not aware of. The police report has an undercurrent of filth running through it. Why hasn't anyone come forward? Are you that afraid? I wouldn't want to be in that position, but I would want to stand up in any way possible, she didn't die for nothing! Her life was precious and her death deserves justice.
http://halifax.mediacoop.ca/fr/story/1596
Support the cause. Stop violence against women. Now.
I'm sure that Miss Brooks was an addict, like myself. I guess that's why it weighs on me so much...
Thankfully, I have never sold or solicited sex in exchange for money or drugs. Most women with the disease of addiction end up doing just that. I did, however pan-handle for a couple of years. Rain, snow or shine, I was out there making $ and spending it, making and spending, making and spending ...
I won't forget how tanned my feet were the first summer and how sore they were the next. Winter was shittttt-ay! I often made more money, though. I had a partner for the first year, my ex boyfriend. It was better that way. He made decent money, better than myself, in fact. Between the two of us we stayed high and kind of fed. I lost tons of weight though, opiates make you vomit when you eat fast or even if you have just done a lot ... I think they slow down your digestive system and make it difficult to pass food therefore being full faster with less food. Sometimes I just feel full and bloated all the time. I still have been eating a lot of crap, but I don't care. I quit heroin, I'm entitled to gain weight. I can always, always loose it. Food's better for me than heroin!! I still feel gross and fat a lot of the time though. Oh well, I guess that's part of the illness. I'm a nut bag! Wheeeeee!
Actually, when I talked to a councilor, she said that I seemed to be very bright and didn't show any signs of severe mental illness. It was really great to be given a clean bill of health, even if it was only a first impression. She made it clear that her opinion was based strictly on our first time meeting and obviously would have to talk to me a lot more in order to make any assumptions about the state of my mental health. She seemed really confident that I am going to be .. just .. fine. I can't say how good that makes me feel. Light, at the end of a long dark road. Finally. Yippieee!!
Gots some stuff to do now...
Keep it real, Ladies! <3
Tanya Brooks is the reason I was inspired to get writing ...It's been three years since police found her battered body shoved into a trench near St. Patrick's-Alexandra School. I've been to the scene of the crime. The trench is just a hole into the ground around a basement window. It was dug out around the window, filled with cement and guarded with iron railing. She was probably dead before she was thrown there. It was raining, and being early in May, still cold outside. So, picture it.
http://www.halifax.ca/police/PressReleases/2012/05May/PoliceContinuetoInvestigateMurderofTanyaBrooks.html
How many other unsolved murders are there in Halifax, exactly, you may ask?
http://www.halifax.ca/police/UnsolvedMurders/MajorUnsolvedCrimes.html
59. 59 unsolved homicides in Halifax starting in December, 1955. In 2011, there was a shocking total of six unsolved (most likely drug related) homicides. 3 of them were women. Her sister was also stabbed at the same time and survived, but for some reason no one has been arrested for the crime and it remains unsolved. This just doesn't hash up in my mind. The paranoid side of me says there's something bigger happening here that I'm not aware of. The police report has an undercurrent of filth running through it. Why hasn't anyone come forward? Are you that afraid? I wouldn't want to be in that position, but I would want to stand up in any way possible, she didn't die for nothing! Her life was precious and her death deserves justice.
http://halifax.mediacoop.ca/fr/story/1596
Support the cause. Stop violence against women. Now.
I'm sure that Miss Brooks was an addict, like myself. I guess that's why it weighs on me so much...
Thankfully, I have never sold or solicited sex in exchange for money or drugs. Most women with the disease of addiction end up doing just that. I did, however pan-handle for a couple of years. Rain, snow or shine, I was out there making $ and spending it, making and spending, making and spending ...
I won't forget how tanned my feet were the first summer and how sore they were the next. Winter was shittttt-ay! I often made more money, though. I had a partner for the first year, my ex boyfriend. It was better that way. He made decent money, better than myself, in fact. Between the two of us we stayed high and kind of fed. I lost tons of weight though, opiates make you vomit when you eat fast or even if you have just done a lot ... I think they slow down your digestive system and make it difficult to pass food therefore being full faster with less food. Sometimes I just feel full and bloated all the time. I still have been eating a lot of crap, but I don't care. I quit heroin, I'm entitled to gain weight. I can always, always loose it. Food's better for me than heroin!! I still feel gross and fat a lot of the time though. Oh well, I guess that's part of the illness. I'm a nut bag! Wheeeeee!
Actually, when I talked to a councilor, she said that I seemed to be very bright and didn't show any signs of severe mental illness. It was really great to be given a clean bill of health, even if it was only a first impression. She made it clear that her opinion was based strictly on our first time meeting and obviously would have to talk to me a lot more in order to make any assumptions about the state of my mental health. She seemed really confident that I am going to be .. just .. fine. I can't say how good that makes me feel. Light, at the end of a long dark road. Finally. Yippieee!!
Gots some stuff to do now...
Keep it real, Ladies! <3
Thursday 3 May 2012
Failpost!
I want to know, why it is, that even when I make the tiniest mistakes they feel so damn huge. I always feel at fault for other peoples misunderstandings of me. I'm programmed to feel like crapola when I fuck up, even to the smallest degree. Mixing up laundry = fail. Spilling nail polish = fail. Not doing dishes = fail. Cooking something that doesn't turn out = mega damn fail. Saying stupid shit = fail. Failing = fail.
Fail, fail
Fall, fall, fall.
Tumbled on hard ground
I can't risk
the fail
fall
If I were sicker, I would be banging my head repeatedly off a cement wall.
Fail, fail
Fall, fall, fall.
Tumbled on hard ground
I can't risk
the fail
fall
If I were sicker, I would be banging my head repeatedly off a cement wall.
Wednesday 2 May 2012
Just for the record, I personally do NOT endorse any advertisements on this website. Don't click on the weird links, they're B.S!
The weather is strange today. The sky's grey, the air is moist and humid to the point where it's hard to breathe. It's as warm as it is chilly and there's the taste of salt in the air that is blowing gently in from the ocean. The endless sea. She's a cold and hostile bitch. Just as she gave us all life in the beginning she will take it back, forever holding you in the swell of her bosom close to her greedy and unforgiving heart. You would be convinced however that you are floating in a warm bath, surrounded and protected by her omniscience, never knowing that outside the confines of your comfort an entire ocean sits still and waits for the perfect moment in which to reach out and empty the shore lines of their light, love and life.
I've always loved the ocean. It's truly magnificent and awe inspiring. My sister-in-law and nephew had never seen the ocean at all until they visited us from Calgary one year. I remember my sister being so breath taken that she had to sit down. My nephew took a minute and then went running straight for it, not realizing that it would be very cold still for swimming, even in the late summer. I had to laugh though, he jumped out as quick as he jumped in, completely soaked and covered in goose bumps.
I couldn't imagine never seeing the sea, or being on a boat. I spent a lot of time when I was young pulling rock-weed with my Dad for extra money. I would always buy books. Books and music. Books were my first drug. My first escape from the reality that was my lousy childhood. I guess it wasn't all bad, but that's a whole other soap opera. Anyway. My Father and I would go out in his little boat with a crappy outboard motor. Sometimes on the way home we would pull a lobster trap or two and bring home a treat for supper. He was very insistent that we didn't tell my Mother, of course. I remember it so clearly. Shirtless and sweaty with his crazy curly hair. I never thought he was a handsome man, always found him to look rather goofy. The ladies seemed to like him though if I dare say. I remember him pulling the trap on that particularly hot day and saying, "Don't tell Mommy where we got these, whatever you do, tell her they're from the store!" He let out one of his awkward, high pitched laughs afterwards and winked at me. My Dad is a happy guy, always smiling. He has his grumpy side, but mostly I remember him being funny and trying to get me to laugh. He used to pick on me a lot and tickle the living shit out of me, also. Both my parents and all my siblings caught on to how ticklish I am and took full advantage of that situation, might I add. Being the baby of the family by a minimum of 9 or 10 years, I was a victim of constant tickle-torture and teasing. It was frustrating at the time but I know now it was all out of love. They'll get theirs!!!! My Father, especially. I try to manage to get his goat every April Fools Day. I mostly succeed.
They say that the first man a girl falls in love with is her Father and I wholly believe this. It's a different kind of love, though. I always thought he was the smartest person I'd ever met. Still do sometimes, although I'm smarter now in a few ways. His Grandchildren now call him Grumpy Grampie... I can't really imagine him being very grumpy but I'm sure he is in his own way now that he's gotten older and is carrying more stress. Can't say I'm not a cause of said stress. When he found out I was using drugs, he said he wanted to take the situation and wring it dry. He said he wanted to squeeze me until I was dry, also. I guess I can't blame him. He really did save my life. If it weren't for the love & respect I have for him, I don't think I would have put a lot, if any, effort into getting clean when I did.
So, there's that. Until we meet again!
I've always loved the ocean. It's truly magnificent and awe inspiring. My sister-in-law and nephew had never seen the ocean at all until they visited us from Calgary one year. I remember my sister being so breath taken that she had to sit down. My nephew took a minute and then went running straight for it, not realizing that it would be very cold still for swimming, even in the late summer. I had to laugh though, he jumped out as quick as he jumped in, completely soaked and covered in goose bumps.
I couldn't imagine never seeing the sea, or being on a boat. I spent a lot of time when I was young pulling rock-weed with my Dad for extra money. I would always buy books. Books and music. Books were my first drug. My first escape from the reality that was my lousy childhood. I guess it wasn't all bad, but that's a whole other soap opera. Anyway. My Father and I would go out in his little boat with a crappy outboard motor. Sometimes on the way home we would pull a lobster trap or two and bring home a treat for supper. He was very insistent that we didn't tell my Mother, of course. I remember it so clearly. Shirtless and sweaty with his crazy curly hair. I never thought he was a handsome man, always found him to look rather goofy. The ladies seemed to like him though if I dare say. I remember him pulling the trap on that particularly hot day and saying, "Don't tell Mommy where we got these, whatever you do, tell her they're from the store!" He let out one of his awkward, high pitched laughs afterwards and winked at me. My Dad is a happy guy, always smiling. He has his grumpy side, but mostly I remember him being funny and trying to get me to laugh. He used to pick on me a lot and tickle the living shit out of me, also. Both my parents and all my siblings caught on to how ticklish I am and took full advantage of that situation, might I add. Being the baby of the family by a minimum of 9 or 10 years, I was a victim of constant tickle-torture and teasing. It was frustrating at the time but I know now it was all out of love. They'll get theirs!!!! My Father, especially. I try to manage to get his goat every April Fools Day. I mostly succeed.
They say that the first man a girl falls in love with is her Father and I wholly believe this. It's a different kind of love, though. I always thought he was the smartest person I'd ever met. Still do sometimes, although I'm smarter now in a few ways. His Grandchildren now call him Grumpy Grampie... I can't really imagine him being very grumpy but I'm sure he is in his own way now that he's gotten older and is carrying more stress. Can't say I'm not a cause of said stress. When he found out I was using drugs, he said he wanted to take the situation and wring it dry. He said he wanted to squeeze me until I was dry, also. I guess I can't blame him. He really did save my life. If it weren't for the love & respect I have for him, I don't think I would have put a lot, if any, effort into getting clean when I did.
So, there's that. Until we meet again!
Saturday 28 April 2012
a delicious but awkwardly naked cupcake
Well, I guess you can see the topic of today's post lol
Who knows where it came from? Carla?
Hehehheee!
I don't even know what to write. I'm bored silly, but not bored enough to do those dishes that have been stinking in the kitchen for a week. I could do the rest of my tidying, but that's lame too. So is sitting blankly in front of the computer. Nah, mostly I'm listening to music. Have been doing so all morning. I also got this bad haircut... It looks like I did it myself. Actually, it looked better when I did it myself! Oh well, I figure it will look better when it grows out a little bit.
I'm far too distracted for this right now. I'm going to do other things...
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/easy-chocolate-chip-cookies/
Who knows where it came from? Carla?
Hehehheee!
I don't even know what to write. I'm bored silly, but not bored enough to do those dishes that have been stinking in the kitchen for a week. I could do the rest of my tidying, but that's lame too. So is sitting blankly in front of the computer. Nah, mostly I'm listening to music. Have been doing so all morning. I also got this bad haircut... It looks like I did it myself. Actually, it looked better when I did it myself! Oh well, I figure it will look better when it grows out a little bit.
I'm far too distracted for this right now. I'm going to do other things...
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/easy-chocolate-chip-cookies/
Tuesday 13 March 2012
God Damn Creationists!
This is a rant of mine in response to some creationists posting crap on Facebook...
I dunno... Scientific poof speaks me to me than the idea that man & woman magically appeared and went on to have a conversation with an evil snake and then populated the entire world on their own. It's a completely sexist story also, if you ask me.
I don't doubt that Jesus existed, there's plenty of historical proof that he did. I really feel strongly that our scientific discoveries require logic and not faith. It's already a fact that we are still evolving as a human race, It's even obvious to see that if you take into account that even as little as 250 years ago people looked differently, had shorter life spans and less intelligence. I also don't doubt that there is a power greater than myself, I just doubt that we really have a good grasp on what it is. One simply cannot put faith into a book that was compiled over 2000 years ago (by more than one person) to be an accurate account of history. My logical mind knows even to be skeptical of something SCIENTIFIC written that long ago, so why wouldn't I question the bible?
If there really is a great creator, then we have been created to evolve and grow the way that we have. There's no doubt in my mind or in the minds of the majority of people that we come from this earth, no matter what circumstances surround how we got here. We share too much common DNA with too many other animals to deny that. DNA doesn't lie, and we all know it exists, so why not follow the facts about things?
I do also feel however that it is very important to have faith in your life, no matter what you believe in. Being un-spiritual wouldn't be very healthy in my eyes .. Or fun... I mean ... If you take the mystery out of life, then where's the intrigue? If we were never curious we would never have tried to explain or understand how we came to be. I think that it is important to have a logical and spiritual grasp on the unknown. That's exactly what it is. The truth of it all is that we simply do not know if there is or isn't a creator, just as we don't know what happens when you die, or what lies in the future for you.
I agree with JP... Darwinism FTW!!!!
I dunno... Scientific poof speaks me to me than the idea that man & woman magically appeared and went on to have a conversation with an evil snake and then populated the entire world on their own. It's a completely sexist story also, if you ask me.
I don't doubt that Jesus existed, there's plenty of historical proof that he did. I really feel strongly that our scientific discoveries require logic and not faith. It's already a fact that we are still evolving as a human race, It's even obvious to see that if you take into account that even as little as 250 years ago people looked differently, had shorter life spans and less intelligence. I also don't doubt that there is a power greater than myself, I just doubt that we really have a good grasp on what it is. One simply cannot put faith into a book that was compiled over 2000 years ago (by more than one person) to be an accurate account of history. My logical mind knows even to be skeptical of something SCIENTIFIC written that long ago, so why wouldn't I question the bible?
If there really is a great creator, then we have been created to evolve and grow the way that we have. There's no doubt in my mind or in the minds of the majority of people that we come from this earth, no matter what circumstances surround how we got here. We share too much common DNA with too many other animals to deny that. DNA doesn't lie, and we all know it exists, so why not follow the facts about things?
I do also feel however that it is very important to have faith in your life, no matter what you believe in. Being un-spiritual wouldn't be very healthy in my eyes .. Or fun... I mean ... If you take the mystery out of life, then where's the intrigue? If we were never curious we would never have tried to explain or understand how we came to be. I think that it is important to have a logical and spiritual grasp on the unknown. That's exactly what it is. The truth of it all is that we simply do not know if there is or isn't a creator, just as we don't know what happens when you die, or what lies in the future for you.
I agree with JP... Darwinism FTW!!!!
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